I had it all
by Scottishchick1786
Summary: What happens when the one person you love the most hurts you? What happens when, after a moment of weakness, you ruin the life you've only ever dreamed about? This is a story about Hermione and Severus and what happens to them when their world comes crashing down. For mature readers only as there is a rather graphic sex scene at the beginning. It has an alternative ending.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Hey everyone and welcome to my second piece of fanfic. It's my second one involving SS/HG and some might hate me for this one as Snape is a bit of a bad boy lol. The story is written from both SS and HG point of view but I will make it clear who's doing the talking so not to confuse anyone. I had planned to do it as a one-shot, but I now think it's going to be a couple of chapters long. Please feel free to leave a review, they are always welcome even the critiques lol. Anyway HP belongs to J.K Rowling. I do not own it.**

**I had it all**

**SS POV**

It has been seven months. Seven long, lonely months since we last had sex, since we had even been intimate in anyway. Minus of course the occasional chaste kiss to the forehead or cheek. True I had gone years without regular sex before, sometimes even months without it, but lying next to my beautiful wife every night, having her so torturously close but unable to touch or taste her. Well that was worse than the Cruciatus curse. It was like having this wonderful amazing prize within your grasp but unable to reach it. Seven months of being just a neighbour to her in our bed left me a starved man.

Why had we turned from being a passionate couple, acting like two horny teenagers who couldn't keep their hands off of each other for more than two seconds? Why did we become exhausted and passionless in seven months? Well the answer to that was easy. His name was Samuel Snape and he was five months old.

Granted things between Hermione and I had moved fast. After the War she nursed me back to health after Naginis attack. She stood by me as I went to trial and was pardoned and named hero, by everyone including Harry Potter. She even spoke to me when we both returned to Hogwarts. Me to teach Potions and her to repeat her 7th year. Hermione didn't care about my so called hero status; she cared about me and the man I was. The man I could be now that I was free from my two Masters. Her faith in me was astounding and her friendship became one of the most important things in my life. So once a friendship had formed, a tentative romantic relationship began, as our feelings grew and changed. After dating for a year we became engaged and then after two we married, moving away from my childhood home in Spinners End. I was a happy man. I had the life I had always wanted, but never felt I deserved. With the woman I loved. A woman I knew I was undeserving of. She was beautiful, kind and compassionate, always seeing the best in everyone, although she did have a fiery temper which I also loved. She was intelligent, loyal to fault and damn right sexy. And for some reason she loved me. Even though I was happy with my life, I was not content. Now that I had a taste for the good life I wanted more. I wanted a child, or four, a family of my own. She told me it was too early but I and pleaded, huffed and begged making her feel like the guilty selfish one. She loved me so much she gave in and so here we are.

I love my son but parenthood has not been easy. Hermione's pregnancy was difficult right from the very beginning. First with morning sickness, and fainting fits, then towards the end she developed a painful problem with her pelvis. Her labour was also difficult as complications arose, and at one point I actually thought I was going to lose them both. Samuel was born healthy and it took Hermione some time to recover.

As time went on Samuel became a demanding child, always wanting fed, always wanting attention, not settling great at night. Hermione became exhausted and emotional and I felt guilty because I couldn't help as much as I wanted because of work. She spent all of her time with Samuel and although I sound like a spoiled brat I was jealous, jealous of my own child because she never had time for me anymore. At one point I was the centre of her world, her priority but now things had changed and he became her main priority. Gone were our conversations, not just the sex, our long talks and debates. Gone were the nights we used to spend curled on our couch, reading with a good book and glass of wine. Samuel always came first. And honestly I began to resent it. I began to resent them.

Tonight I had to give a talk on my new research at a Potion Conference in London then attend the after party being held in our Honour. It wasn't a large conference but a few important people were going to be there. I wanted my wife by my side at this event but she couldn't go. Samuel was teething and had a temperature so she of course had to stay at home and look after him. So I went by myself.

I was last to speak, so afterwards everyone left the small room to attend the after party while I stayed behind to pack up my research notes away. It wasn't until I heard someone clearing their throat that I realised I wasn't alone.

Turning my attention to see who it was I saw Amber Wheatley, Potions Mistress. She had long blonde hair and beautiful clear blue eyes. She was young, vibrant and sexy as hell wearing a stunning blue dress, the skirt going to mid-thigh, showing off her perfectly long silky looking legs and black high heeled shoes. Attraction and longing stirred within me at the sight of this stunning woman.

"May I help you?" My voice sounded huskier than I intended. Noticing it she smiled flirtatiously and rose from her chair, sashaying her curvy hips towards me. Licking her luscious red lips, I gulped hard. The blood in my body moved south awakening my arousal. Stopping in front of me, she looked over my body, lingering at my obvious erection protruding proudly, before tilting her head in the most seductive way to gaze into my eyes.

"I'm sure you can, but right now I want to help you." Leaning forward she kissed me, and all the breath left me at once. It was enticing and delicious, totally forbidden and intoxicating, leaving me wanting more, as feelings that had long been asleep woke with vigour. I moaned against her mouth, unable to stop myself, before pushing her away, realizing what I was doing. What I wanted to do.

"What do you think you are doing I am a married man Miss Wheatley?" I tried to sound angry, but even to my own ears I sounded like a whiney horny man. I wanted her in this moment and she knew.

"What your wife doesn't know won't hurt." She smiled with victory, as I let out a feral growl and lunged towards her in order to devour her mouth. I was a starved man. What else was I to do?

**HPOV**

I knew how hard things have been for Severus and I since Samuels birth. I knew I wasn't giving him the attention he deserved, but as a mother Samuel was my first priority, his needs were more important. Honestly, I didn't want a baby this early in our marriage, I didn't feel we would be ready and I didn't think Severus would share me just yet. But he wanted a child and who was I to deny him after all he had been through over the years. Parenthood was a lot more difficult than either of us anticipated but I loved my son more than anything, even if I did feel like a part of me had been sucked out. Severus was always working, leaving me feeling like a single mother at times, but I couldn't resent him for that after all he was taking care of us and providing for us. His family.

I missed him so much and longed for him. As stupid as that sounds I missed us, our talks, our cuddles, our sex life. Even though he was there, he wasn't. We became strangers to each other.

So on the night of his big talk I decided to surprise him. Samuel however, developed a temperature because of teething, so I was at first reluctant to leave him, but Ginny had persuaded me to go. She would look after him after all she was a mother herself.

Reassured I waited for Severus to leave before setting my plan into motion. Ginny arrived to take Samuel away, so once my boy was gone I began to set to work on myself. I had booked a hotel room for the night so that Severus and I could rekindle our lost passion and remind each other of our love, so I wanted to be perfect for him. I wanted tonight to be perfect for him.

I bathed, put on moisturiser, done my hair and make-up and put on a beautiful red wrap dress that showed off my womanly curves and ample bosom, a present left behind from carrying my son. I finished off my look with high stiletto heels, that I knew drove Severus insane, as he had a thing for a woman in heels. The best part of my outfit was what was hidden underneath. I wore red lace that I knew would bring the spark back to us. With one last look in the mirror I was happy with my appearance and excited to see the look on my husband's face.

So I apparated to the conference centre, looking around for my husband. He wasn't a hard man to spot in a crowd as he was so much taller than most, plus I could spot the shoulder length black hair a mile away. But this time I couldn't see him.

Stopping a fellow guest I asked him if he had seen Severus Snape about. He apologised and shook his head before walking off. So I stopped a second person, asking him the same question. He suggested for me to look in the lecture room as Severus had stayed behind to gather up his things. Giving me directions he pointed me the way and I left thanking him.

Grabbing two flutes of champagne, I smiled to myself and headed towards the room that he suggested. I stopped at the door hearing a couple of indistinct noises and thought that this must be the right room. Adjusting my shoulders, I opened the door ready to say 'surprise'. But unfortunately it was me who got the surprise as the words caught in my throat.

I could feel the colour draining from me as my heart shattered in my chest and I struggled to breathe. The champagne flutes falling to the floor. Shattering and breaking just like my heart had.

I was not at all prepared for the sight of my husband, the man I loved, the father of my child, thrusting in and out of a blonde haired harlot. She was bent over a desk, her skirt up and bunched around her waist, revealing her perfect smooth ass, as my husband fucked her from behind. He was so caught up in fucking her that it took him a while to realize I was there. And when he did, all I noticed was his dark lust filled eyes widen in shock.

With a heart wrenching sob I left, and as I walked I heard him call my name.

**SPOV**

Somewhere deep down I knew that what I was doing was wrong, but I was so consumed with lust and want nothing else mattered. At this moment I wanted this woman and I was going to have her. There was nothing gentle or loving about what we were doing. It was hot and sexy and just pure lust. Pushing her skirt up roughly around her slender waist, I yanked off the thin silk material of her underwear, not caring that I basically ripped them off. I spun her around and pushed her forcefully onto the desk, her stomach lying flat against the cold wood, her perfect round ass pointing towards me. I could see her own desire glisten hotly between her legs, and that only fuelled my need. The brutality of that moment made her moan and his yes, other than that one single word, nothing else was said. Unbuttoning my belt, I unzipped my fly and pulled out my hard aching member. With one hard pull, from tip to shaft, I positioned myself at her wet entrance and with one swift move, thrust into her. I did not care if she was ready or not, I needed to be inside of her. This wasn't love making, it was pure unadulterated fucking.

She felt so good, so tight around my aching member; our moans rang out with that first thrust. I didn't think of my wife then, or the fact that I had broken our sacred vows, all I felt was the all consuming passion and welcome relief at being inside this, unknown temptress.

Pulling out to the tip I thrust back into her, hard and fast, my hands grabbing her hips, which would no doubt leave bruises. Our moans grew louder with each thrust, and the desk began to rattle and scrape across the ground with the sheer force of my movements. The feeling was electrifying sending the best sensations across my body. All the pent up frustration I had been feeling was slowly coming to the boil, as I thrust in her again and again, harder and harder each time.

I was growing closer to my orgasm, and I knew I wouldn't spill my seed in her. I would pull out and spurt it on her back, marking her as the harlot she was. With another thrust, my whole world was brought crashing down around me. At first my mind didn't register another presence; I was too focused on my impending orgasm. But then I heard a gasp followed by something crashing. My gaze flicked over to the door and my heart stopped. A strangled aching sob filled the room, bringing with it the reality of the situation.

Hermione, my beautiful Hermione was standing in the doorway, her face pale, her doe-like eyes wide with such hurt and confusion. The heartbreak she felt was clearly etched on her perfect face. Heartbreak that I had caused her. She watched as I fucked another. Then she turned and fled.

"Hermione." I yelled, while I was still in another woman. I felt sick to my stomach as I realized what I had done. I had hurt the woman that I loved my wife, friend and lover.

Finally pulling out, I tucked my now flaccid penis back into my boxers and zipped up before running after her. I had to find her and explain. I needed her to forgive me. I loved her. I needed her.

What had I done? I was frantic with fear as I searched. Then I saw her leaving the entryway. I ran. Ran until I reached her. Ran before she could apparate away leaving me alone without her.

I grabbed her and pulled her roughly into my arms, as she sobbed hard against my suit jacket.

"Hermione." I whispered breathlessly, my voice hitching at the pain I had caused her. My own emotions rapidly flowing through me.

She pulled away from me, her small hands clenched in tight fists as she pounded into my chest. The pain and anguish written clearly on her face. I didn't stop her though. I deserved her anger, her hits.

"I hate you. I hate you. I hate you." She spat and hissed at me, the tears flowing freely down her cheeks, as she kept pounding my chest. Each word from her mouth was like a self-inflicted dagger to my heart. "How dare you? How dare you? I can smell her, I can smell it on you." She screamed.

"Hermione." I whispered. My own guilty tears now running down my cheeks. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I pleaded.

She pushed me away and I saw the anger and fury on her face.

"You're sorry. You're bloody sorry." She sneered. "Do you think that's going to make everything all right? Do you think that's going to wipe the image of my husband fucking some whore from my mind?" I flinched at her use of a curse word. She never swore and hearing it now from her beautiful mouth pained me. "I loved you Severus, I gave you everything and _this _is how you repay me. And all you can say is you're sorry." She laughed sardonically and began to pace. All I could do was watch and hope for forgiveness. Spinning around she pointed one finger at me. "Does our life together mean absolutely nothing to you? Does my love mean jack shit to you? Did you ever love me Severus, or was I nothing but a way to pass time? I bet you wouldn't have cheated on _her_?" She spoke with so much venom and hatred.

My heart broke at her words. Was that what she thought, that I didn't love her? That she was second best to the woman I loved first, Lily Evans.

"How can you say that Hermione? I love you, you're everything to me. Our life is everything to me. Please I made a mistake, a terrible _terrible_ mistake. Please let me make it up to you. Let me make it right again." I begged her and tried to reach for her but she pulled away.

"What else do you expect me to think after what I just saw? That wasn't just a mistake Severus. You call fucking up our life a mistake. Because believe me that's what you've done."

Her words stung, but I couldn't stop her from being angry. I had no right to stop her.

"Hermione, no. Please no. Don't say that. Don't give up on us. Please." My heart clenched at my own stupidity. And right at this moment she couldn't possibly hate me as much as I hated myself.

She laughed at my words and sneered at me.

"Don't you dare Severus. It was _you _who gave up on us, when you decided to fuck someone else. Whatever our problems were, we could have worked it out together." She covered her face with her hands and sobbed, her whole body shaking with each shuddering one. I tried to pull her into my arms to comfort her but she pushed me away violently and slapped me hard across the face. "Don't you dare touch me Severus. Don't you _ever _try to touch me again. You make me sick." She spat out, her whole face flushed red and swollen with her tears. "We're over. I can't even look at you right now. I just hope that she was worth it Severus, I really do."

I sank down to my knees as her words came crashing down on top of me. I held onto the hem of her dress with one hand, while the other snaked up around her waist. Burying my head against her stomach I breathed in her warm scent. My tear soaked cheeks left damp patches against the material of her dress but I didn't care. I didn't want to let her go. If I did, she would leave, and I couldn't bear her leaving me.

"Please, I'm begging you Hermione. Don't leave me please. I love you so much. I need you so much. Please. You're my life. Please."

Out of habit, she bent her head and kissed my hair, the sobs causing her body to shake violently.

"I can't Severus. You've hurt me so much. How can I believe a word you say after what I've just seen? How can I forget?" Taking a deep intake of breath, she pulled away, causing me to almost fall to the ground. Wiping away the tears on her expressionless face, she looked her nose down at me, and in the coldest voice I had ever heard from her she said, "I always knew you were a bastard Severus. But I never knew you could be this big a one."

Her words stung me more than anything that night, cutting deeper than any knife could and before I could reply I watched helplessly as she apparated away. Hermione, my beautiful Hermione's whose heart I had just moments ago broken, left me in a crumpled heap on the ground.

In a short space of time I had managed to completely destroy the life I had so often dreamed about. I had everything. And in one moment of weakness lost everything. I had only myself to blame and I knew how weak and pathetic I truly was. I didn't deserve her and after tonight, I had gone and proven it.

The only thing I wanted to do now was drink away my sorrows with a bottle of firewhisky and pray things would be better in the morning. That this was just a horrible _horrible_ nightmare, and that tomorrow my life would be as it should be. I didn't know where Hermione was and I didn't want to go home to the place we shared, especially if she wasn't there. So instead I apparated to the Leaky Cauldron and booked a room for the night. Taking a bottle of firewhisky and a glass up with me.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Hi everyone I decided to continue this story, I promise the other stories I have planned will be happier ones compared to my first two. Promise lol. I hope you like the next installment. I do not own HP it belongs to J.K Rowling.**

**Chapter Two**

**HGPOV**

I don't know how I managed to apparate to the hotel without splinching myself or worse killing myself, because I was an utter state when I arrived. In fact that was mild compared to how I felt. I was devastated and broken in every way possible. Gathering all that Gryffindor courage of mine, I straightened up and headed to the reception to check in. Everything was going smoothly until the woman behind the desk asked if Mr Snape would be joining me later. At the sound of his name I felt my heart break even more.

Once I was at my room, I fumbled with the key before letting myself in. As soon as the door closed behind me, the agony and pain engulfed me fully, as I slid down the door, unable to keep myself up.

My tears overflowed, as shudder after shudder tore through my small body. My chest hurt. My full body hurt. My mind hurt. Every part of me hurt. I began to hyperventilate as I couldn't breathe and my heart. Well my heart felt like it had completely shattered into millions of tiny pieces and to be honest I wasn't sure if it would ever be whole again.

How could Severus do that to me? To us? To our family? How could he be so selfish like that? He had managed to stay loyal to a dead woman for over 20 years but with me he couldn't extend the same courtesy. I know bringing up a dead woman was wrong but at that moment, I couldn't think properly. I couldn't comprehend why. And god it hurt so much. I just wanted it to stop, for the pain to go away. I wanted it to just be a nightmare, for it not to be real.

Pulling out my wand with the little strength that I had left, I needed to send Harry and Ginny a patronus. But trying to think of a happy thought amongst all the pain was difficult. So concentrating hard I focused on the one thing that still filled my life with joy and happiness, Samuel. My beautiful baby boy who I loved unconditionally. He was the only thing that mattered to me right now. So when my otter appeared I managed to calm my voice before saying,

"Harry, should Severus come to your house and try to collect Samuel, do not under any circumstances let him take my boy. I will explain everything tomorrow but please, keep my son safe." The otter left with my message and to be honest I don't know how long it took for Harry's stag to appear. I was sitting dazed and numb, oblivious to everything else in the world. It wasn't until I heard Harry's frantic voice fill the room that I realized my error, as I was startled back into reality. If Moody was alive to see that he would have shaken his head and reprimanded me about my lack of vigilance.

"Hermione what the hell is going on? Why don't you want Snape to see his son? Please tell us. Ginny and I are worried sick about you. Contact us as soon as you can."

I didn't have the heart or strength to reply to them, as selfish as that was after all they were my friends and were looking after my son. But I couldn't bear the thought of them knowing what happened tonight. They were two of a few people who warned me against starting a relationship with my ex-Professor, the ex-Death Eater, murderer to Albus Dumbledore, and the man who loved Lily Potter for over 20 years. None of that mattered to me though. I loved him.

So instead of replying to Harry and Ginny, I managed to conjure a patronus for the one person I knew who would understand, who wouldn't judge me. The one person, after my husband, who I knew I could trust. How ironic? The one person in the world I believed I could trust the most had just smashed all of that. But I knew I could trust my best friend, my rock throughout these years.

"Drake please, if you can, come to the Savoy Hotel in London, room 154. Please Drake I-I need to see you. Please." With that my otter patronus danced away merrily, unaware of its owners anguish, taking with it the last of my happy thoughts.

Again I wasn't aware of time passing by between sending my patronus and hearing the erratic pounding on the door. I was so lost in my own musings about Draco and our most unlikely of friendships.

After the War Draco had been tried and found not guilty of all charges held against him. He had just been a boy pressured to do things by his insane father and his beliefs and ideas. Lucius had not been so lucky. He had been tried and found guilty of all his crimes and was sentenced to death. That freed both Draco and his mother Narcissa.

Draco changed from the spoiled boy everyone knew and loathed into the man he wanted to be, not the boy he was forced to be. He and his mother inherited the Malfoy fortune and Manor, but neither of them wanted to live in a home filled with so many dark memories. So they sold it to the Ministry who turned it into some kind of weird Museum chronicling the downfall of Voldermort. With the money from the estate and the inheritance, they split it between themselves and did what they both wanted to do with their lives. Narcissa joined the Hogwarts teaching staff as the new Transfiguration Professor when McGonagall became Headmistress. While Draco had, like me, returned to school to complete his NEWTS, before joining the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. He wanted to show everyone that he was not his father's son, and went out of his way to prove it. Slowly he worked his way up the career ladder doing some amazing work in the process. It was during this year at Hogwarts that a friendship slowly struck up between us. I was reluctant at first, after all we did have some pretty bad memories of each other, but he apologized over and over again. Proving himself to me.

Harry and Ron had left Hogwarts in order to train as Aurors and over a short space of time we drifted apart, although remained friends. I realized we didn't have much in common in the end, but when it came to Draco we had a surprising amount in common. Including my husband who just so happened to be Draco's Godfather. With his support and encouragement mine and Draco's friendship grew to the point we considered each other best friends. As mine and Severus's relationship grew, Draco never said a bad word against it. He supported us. He was a truly wonderful person and anyone could see that the spoiled arrogant boy of before had been replaced with an intelligent, thoughtful and hardworking young man. He was so focused on his work that he sadly never had time for relationships, always claiming he was too busy. Despite the fact that Severus and I had tried to fix him up on the odd occasion. It saddened me to think of him being lonely when I knew that he would make a wonderful husband to someone one day.

Sitting in the lonely hotel room, the pounding on the door brought me back to reality, filling me with both relief and terror when I heard Draco's voice call out.

"Mia its Drake open up." The use of our nicknames for each other filled me up with warmth and comfort, but I could still not find the strength to stand up and open the door to him. "Hermione, you either open the door now or I swear to Merlin I will break the bloody thing down."

Normally I would have laughed if it had been any other situation, than the one I was in because I knew Draco would be true to his word and do exactly that. The old Draco was not totally gone, his temper matched mine sometimes. "Hermione I warned you. I'm going to count to three and if you've not opened the door by then I'll bring it down myself. One." There was silence on both sides of the door as he waited, and I tried desperately to scramble to my feet. "Two." He continued, the frustration slowly building up. Very slowly I quietly opened the door a crack to peer out and the sight that greeted me was so un-Draco-like. His normally immaculate appearance was in disarray, and his face looked tired and worn with worry.

Flinging open the door all my anguish once again resurfaced. Taking one look at my deranged appearance he came forward, scooping me up into an embrace and walked into the room, shutting the door behind us in order to give me respect and privacy. Sitting on the couch he patted my hair as if I was a small child being comforted. I immediately felt safe as he allowed my body to shake with violent sobs as he held me tight against him.

"Mia what's happened." His voice was gentle as he soothed me. When I didn't answer him he continued. "What's with the tears Mia I've never seen you like this before. It can't be that bad." I knew he didn't mean too but I sobbed harder as his words brought forth the vision of my beloved Severus fucking another woman. "Hermione what's happened." His tone became more serious as he took note of my reaction to his words.

I tried to speak but only a sob escaped. So mustering my strength I finally managed to say,

"It's Severus."

"Has something happened to him Mia?" Worry and concern sounded in his voice after all he was Severus's Godson.

Unable to speak I shook my head no.

"Has he done something Mia?"

I sobbed again and nodded yes.

"Did he do something to you?"

I sobbed even harder at this question and nodded my head yes. Underneath me Draco's whole body stilled and stiffened at my words.

"What. Did. He. Do. To. You?" He hissed through clenched teeth, the thinly veiled anger laced through each enunciated word.

"He-he-" I stammered unable to say those dreaded words out loud. As pathetic as it sounded I was so scared to say them because I knew if I did then it would be real, that this situation was real. That my beloved husband Severus had indeed betrayed me. And I wasn't sure if I was ready to face that realization yet.

"Take your time Mia, I'm not going anywhere." He soothed, kissing the top of my head, like a father would his child.

After a minute or several, I wasn't sure how much time passed, I took a deep breath and said,

"It was Severus's big talk today so I-I wanted to sur-surprise him. So I-I booked this hotel room. H-he didn't know I would b-be coming because Samuel was teething and not well, and I said I-I couldn't come. S-so I showed up and couldn't find him. So I a-asked around and one guest s-said to l-look i-in the l-lecture r-room. When I-I o-opened t-the d-door S-Severus w-was-" My heart clenched painfully in my chest as once again the vivid image of my husband flashed in my mind. Remembering it made me sick to my stomach. Remembering the look of pure lust and relief on his face, a look I had not seen directed at me in such a long time, was incredibly painful to recall.

"Mia what was he doing?"

I needed to tell him. I needed to speak the words out loud. So in a rush I said,

"He was fucking some whore on the desk." And with that, it was done. It was real and even more painful than before. My husband, who I loved deeply, who I trusted whole heartedly with my life, broke everything we had. He betrayed me. Betrayed our vows as if they were nothing. The agony engulfed me as the full force of everything hit me hard and I clung to my best friend and life line, like a dying woman would.

"I'll kill him. I swear to Merlin I will kill that selfish bastard when I see him. Godfather or not he has no right, _no right_ to do that to you Mia." The anger radiated throughout Draco and even though I didn't want him to act on his threat and get sent to Azkaban, I didn't want to stop him from doing it either.

I gasped for air, as hiccups stole my breath. I was emotionally, mentally and physically drained, as sheer exhaustion began to settle in. I needed sleep. To close my eyes and dream away the past few hours of my life.

"Could you send Harry a patronus please. Tell him I will collect Samuel in the morning and not to worry. I will explain everything tomorrow in person."

Grudgingly I pulled away from the safety of Draco to stand up in order to kick off my heels before climbing into the bed, lying in the foetal position.

I never heard or seen Draco send off his patronus, I never asked him to stay, but I knew he would. He wouldn't leave me like this. And I was right as I felt the bed dip beside me and heard the sound of his shoes being kicked off. Always the gentleman he climbed on top of the bed, not getting under the covers. He put one hand against me in reassurance and whispered,

"Everything will be all right Mia. I promise."

I couldn't reply, as my eyes drifted shut and sleep overtook me.

When I woke up in the morning, I felt a warm body pressed up against my side in the strange bed. At first I automatically thought it was my husband, but he wasn't close enough to me and I couldn't smell the scent of him. Then all at once the memories of the previous night flooded my mind. I was numb, except the ache in every part of my body. The only thing I wanted was my son, to hold him, and feel him and not let him go.

"Draco." I whispered, nudging him gently. "Drake wake up. I need to leave. I need to get Samuel." Sitting up I didn't care how awful I looked I just needed to get my son before he tried to.

Draco groggily moved out the bed and sent his patronus to Harry warning him that we would be round soon. Before heading to the toilet to relieve his bladder. I tried to adjust my crumpled clothing as best as I could, before tying up my hair and putting my heels back on.

After I checked out Draco apparated us to Grimmauld Place, where we were soon greeted by an anxious looking Harry and Ginny.

"Hermione what happened last night." Harry, never one to beat around the bush, asked as soon as he saw us.

"I'll explain to you both, just let Mia go to Samuel." Draco answered in reply, much to my appreciation. I didn't want to talk or explain. I didn't want to hear the chorus of I-told-you-so's or worse see the pity in their eyes. I just wanted my boy, nothing else.

Ignoring my friends I walked past them as they headed into the kitchen, the scene of so many Order Meetings in the past, and headed straight for the stairs to the familiar spare bedroom where my son lay asleep. I couldn't help the small smile from appearing on my face as I gazed down at my little blessing. He was truly beautiful with his tuft of black hair, and his little button nose that was so like mine. He was perfect and amazing and I loved him so much.

Unable to stop myself I gently picked him up and cradled him against my chest. My silent tears falling onto his warm rosy cheeks but he didn't stir. Looking down at him my love for the small baby boy in my arms was overwhelming. Yes I didn't want a child this early in my marriage, but now that I had him, my Samuel I would not change him for anything in the world.

How could Severus hurt not only me, but this innocent perfect little being as well? Did he have no idea how this would affect Samuel just as much as it affected me? But of course Severus didn't think he would get caught out, he was going to keep his cheap little tryst a secret? I was so stupid and at that one thought more questions hit me. Was this a one off? Had he been unfaithful before? Had he been sleeping with her for long? Was there others?

I lost my strength again as I slumped to the floor, careful not to wake my beautiful boy. Kissing his head I whispered,

"No matter what happens, just know that your mummy loves you more than anything in the world and _nothing _will ever hurt you. I promise you that my sweet beloved boy."

Two pairs of arms suddenly wrapped protectively around me then, as I leaned back against Draco and Harry.

"Hermione I am so sorry about what's happened. He's an ungrateful bastard and I swear I will hex him into oblivion when I see him." Harry proclaimed.

"Not if I kill him first." Draco cut in.

"Yeah not if Draco gets him first." It was a very rare moment when Draco and Harry agreed with each other. Things were still tense between them, but at least they both made some effort for my sake. Hopefully now they would make a bigger effort, because I needed them now more than ever.

"Draco, Ron, Fred, George and myself are heading to your house to pick up all of yours and Samuels things. So you better make a list of the things you want. You can stay here with Ginny but I need to warn you that Molly will be here too. She is furious with Sna-him." Harry spat the last word. He had never liked Severus, not since the way he treated Harry throughout school. Oh he respected him and everything he done. But he would never like him.

I sniffed and tried to smile but failed miserably.

"Thank you both so much, for being there when I need you." My voice broke at the end.

"Hey don't thank us, we love you Mia. And don't worry about a place to stay, you have lots of offers, remember you are loved by so many people and we are all there for you. But you're moving into my Chelsea flat, we figured you'd need your own space."

I leaned against Draco, all the tension I didn't know I felt, leaving me at his words.

"Thank you Drake."

After a welcomed breakfast, and some more hugging and crying, the boys left to go and move me out of my home. I was so incredibly grateful that they were there for me, doing that unpleasant task because I really didn't think I could face Severus just yet, not now or anytime soon for that matter. I needed time and space away from him to think about our future and go through the mess that was in my head. I needed to find out if I could ever forgive him, and what would be the outcomes if I forgave or left. It wasn't just me and Severus to think about it was Samuel as well. But for now I wasn't ready to think or make any decisions. For now I wanted to escape.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N So here is the next chapter in 'I had it all'. After this one I think there will only be a chapter or two left. I hope you enjoy it and please feel free to review and let me know your thoughts and feelings. This will be the last update for today me thinks lol. But I will be back tomorrow with the last two installments. As always HP belongs to J.K Rowling, and I own nothing.**

**Chapter Three**

**SSPOV**

The next again morning I woke up with a thudding sorehead and the horrid taste of vomit mixed with stale firewhisky in my mouth. I hoped to Merlin there was a hangover potion close by, because I sure as hell wasn't walking about with this headache all day.

I began to wonder what the bloody hell happened last night and how I managed to get in this pitiful state. It was only then that pieces of my foggy memory began to join together, like a jigsaw puzzle, and I began to remember.

My successful talk, the blonde hair blue eyes beauty, the desk and her perfectly formed buttocks against me as I…..then Hermione. My beautiful Hermione looking so hurt by my actions and leaving me. It all came back in one horrible swirl as guilt and despair gripped me.

Jumping up from the couch, to hell with my headache as that was the least of my problems, in the room I rented in the Leaky Cauldron, all I could think about was Hermione. I needed to find her and apologize for everything. I needed to just see her, to get her back. To tell her I loved her, that what happened last night was the biggest mistake of my life. I wanted to beg her for forgiveness so that I could get my family back. I couldn't lose them, not now that I finally had them. Even just the thought of that killed me. And I had no-one to blame but myself. And maybe the harlot who tempted me. If it hadn't been for her then I would never have strayed. I would have been faithful to my wife. But even that excuse was weak. It was my own pathetic fault.

Charming my mouth and teeth clean to take the foul bitter taste away. I flung my suit jacket over my crumpled white shirt, not even trying to look for the dark emerald green tie I had worn the previous night. Before running down the stairs of the Leaky Cauldron, thumping my room key on the bar and storming outside to apparate straight into the living room of my house. Hoping to Merlin to find Hermione and Samuel there.

Imagine my surprise when I nearly landed straight on top of one of those redheaded Weasley boys instead and saw Potter, of all people, and his merry band of men rummaging aroud. Invading my house and my privacy.

"What the bloody hell do you think you are doing in my house?" I bellowed, angered beyond belief that it was these dunderheads that greeted me and not my wife or son.

"Cut the bullshit Snape. It's a bit late for you to start getting all high and mighty on our asses after what you've done." For the first time in a long time, I stood stunned to the spot. Potter actually dared stand up to me. The anger radiated off of him and I noticed that after all these years he had finally grown up.

The three redheaded Weasley boys, who I couldn't name as they all looked the same to me, started to pile boxes up, before shrinking them and packing them in a bag. I grabbed a box before they could shrink it and when I peered in, all I saw were Hermione's clothes. Dread filled me at the sight of all her things. She really was leaving me.

"Where's Hermione? What are you doing with her things?" The panic in me began to build up, as the reality of the night before came to fruition. This couldn't be happening, please I couldn't lose her. "Where's my son?" I asked, as I thought of what this would do to him. He needed me. He needed the both of us.

Harry scoffed at me, the vain in his neck protruding with anger.

"Do you really think she wants to see you Snape? Do you honestly think she wants anything to do with you after your pretty shitty performance last night? Well let me answer that for you. She wants fuck all to do with the man who broke her heart. I seen the state she was in this morning and believe me you are lucky I don't hex your ass." He got closer to me, one of his fingers pointing close to my larger than average nose. "You make her sick. Hell you've always made me sick Snape, but I at least respected you. Not now. Any bit I had is gone. You don't deserve it."

I grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and flung him hard against the wall, not willing to listen to him scoff and taunt me about my failings. Especially not when he stood in my own home doing it. My pride, the little bit I still had, would not allow that.

"I will ask you one more time Potter and I expect a damn better answer than that. Where are my wife and son?" My voice was steady and low, a tone that I used as I teacher. The voice I knew used to drive fear into the hearts of the students I taught. But on these men, it didn't work anymore.

Before Potter could even open his mouth to reply, Draco came barrelling down the stairs, his face red with fury, as he heard enough of the conversation. I couldn't disguise the shock at seeing my Godson look so far from his normal composed self. He was a man who took pride in his appearance. I loosened my grip on Potter, who managed to pull away quickly, just in time for Draco's powerful fist connecting to my nose, the loud crunch echoing around the room as the other young men sniggered around me. Their wands were all out and aiming directly at me. While Draco pointed his own straight into my chest.

"Don't you _ever _call her your wife again. She wasn't that last night when you were screwing some little whore." He spat at me, all the while jabbing his wand firmly into my chest. "You don't deserve Mia, you never did, but for some reason she loved you. She fucking loved _you. _And you fling it back at her like it's nothing. I know you've done some pretty fucked up things before, but this is by far the most fucked up thing yet. You disgust me." He wiped the spittle from his chin with his free hand, never once taking his eyes from me. "You are nothing to me, do you hear that. _Nothing_."

It was then that I seen it, only a brief flash in his eyes, amongst all the anger and hatred. There was jealousy and love. I knew they had grown close over the years, but never did I think my Godson was in love with my wife.

I laughed at the boy standing in front of me and gave him my best Snape sneer.

"My. My. My. Imagine that. The boy who has everything apparently wants the one thing he can never have." I laughed again as his body tensed and the look of defeat crossed his features, knowing I had hit the nail right on the head. Moving closer to him I whispered, "My wife." I sneered again as he went to land another blow on me but this time I managed to dodge it. "Really Draco. Do you think she would actually look twice at you? Well she wouldn't. And do you know why she wouldn't? Because she picked _me_. She loves _me. _She married _me. _She had _my _child, _my _son and heir. Not you never will it be _you _Draco." This time it was me who pointed my finger in his chest to further my point. "Believe me boy I _will _get my family back. I made a mistake last night, but Hermione is still mine and she always will be. She will _never _be yours."

Anger once again filled Draco as he didn't seem at all phased by my passionate speech. Instead he stepped closer and in a deadly voice I had never heard before said,

"Listen to you old man, you treat her like one of your possessions. You don't care about her; if you did then you would never have looked at another woman, never mind fuck another woman." I blanched at the severity of his words.

"You know nothing about how I feel when it comes to Hermione. I love her." I don't know why I felt the need to defend my feelings for her, not to these dunderheads. The only person I needed to tell was Hermione and she wasn't here.

"_I love her too_." He yelled right in my face, causing me to take a step back. "You have everything I've ever wanted, someone who I would happily give everything up for if it meant being with her. And you just tossed it all away. You. Don't. Deserve. Her." He hissed through clenched teeth.

"And what you think you do?" I sneered at him. Hiding the fear that I suddenly felt at the depth of his feelings for her.

"I would have done a much better job as her husband than you. I would never have hurt her like that. No matter what. I would never have taken her for granted, or forced her to do something she didn't want to do. I would have respected her. I would have loved her. But most of all I would have worshipped her the way she deserves to be." Pointing his wand into my chest one last time he said, "I really hope you prey to Merlin that she forgives you, otherwise you will lose the two most important people in your life. Maybe then you'll realize what you had and how much you lost." Turning to the other men in the room, who couldn't contain their shock at Draco's confession he said, "I think that's everything. Let's go."

Gathering up the shrunken boxes they walked out of the house, one at a time, the quiet sound apparartion following closely behind.

The last to leave was the youngest Weasley boy, but before he did he turned to glare at me. Tossing the Daily Prophet at my head.

"Next time I would find out whose ink you're dipping your quill into. And like Draco said you, you greasy bastard make me sick." And with that he too left, slamming the door behind him.

Forgetting about my broken nose, that was nothing compared to the pain I felt in my chest, I looked around the living room at all the empty spaces where her things had been. It felt empty and cold without them. Running upstairs I then checked the bathroom, the bedroom and finally Samuels's room. And everything that belonged to them was gone. There was no trace or signs that they had ever been here, it was as if their lives had been totally erased from the house.

I was alone again. Draco was right I had lost everything.

Heading back downstairs I slumped onto the couch, picking up the Daily Prophet to see what the Weasley boy was talking about. And there on the first page was a picture of the blonde haired, blue eyes vixen I fucked underneath the title- **I seduced Severus Snape. Married man and new father.**

There it was in black and white for all of the Wizzarding world to see, my biggest mistake to date was made public. My humiliation and shame plastered all over the paper. Hermione would see this and it would only hurt her more.

Leaning over the side of the couch I vomited up the contents left in my stomach. I was the biggest fool in world. And had just ruined everything. I had ruined my friendship with Lily. I had ruined my life by becoming a Death Eater. And now I had ruined my life once more by cheating on my wife.

But despite what Hermione believed I wasn't going to give up on us. I would fight with everything that I had and win her back. I couldn't give up. My life would be over if she left. So I would give her time to think and clear her head. Then when she was ready she would forgive me and we could finally be a family again.

Standing up I walked over to the fireplace and picked up a picture of the three of us. Our first picture as a family after she had just given birth. Although she looked unwell she was still the most beautiful woman in the world to me. Sinking to the floor a broken man, I sobbed, long and hard wishing for them to come back. Praying that eventually they would.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Hi everyone so I'm back with the next chapter. This one is written a little differently, I don't want this story to be long and bulky so this chapter is sort of like a timeline of important events that happen between Severus and Hermione. It's written from SSPOV so the last chapter will be from HGPOV. Anyway thank you for reading it and I hope you like it. Please feel free to review. As always HP belongs to J.K Rowling.**

**Chapter Four**

**SSPOV**

**One week after she left**

The house we once shared felt empty and too big with just me living in it, but at the same time I couldn't help being suffocated as well. There were too many memories of my wife and son reminding me of the mess I had made of my life. Reminding me that I was alone. I hadn't seen them since that day and Merlin did I missed them; it was like an important part of me was gone leaving me incomplete. I just wanted them back. I heard that she had moved into one of Draco's empty flats and I must confess I was relieved that she wasn't living with him. I didn't trust him not to try and worm his way into her affections and I certainly didn't need the competition from a young man who was everything I wasn't. After that article had been published, more women had spoken about how they had seduced me while I was married. They were all rubbish and false but I couldn't do anything to clear my name. After the first article I got sent howlers from people I didn't know, saying that I was a dirty scoundrel, that I should have been sent to Azkaban and that I didn't deserve a woman like Hermione. There was also the occasional letter from women offering themselves to me. My life was a mess and everything seemed to snowball out of control.

**Two weeks after she left**

Today I received a letter from Hermione's lawyer, who just so happened to be Draco Malfoy. The letter basically said that because Samuel, my son, was still too young to be separated from his mother, I was to get two supervised visits per week with Narcissa Malfoy being there to supervise said visits. To say I was angry was an understatement, I was furious with Hermione for not having the decency to tell me that she was keeping my son from me. I was furious that she hadn't discussed things with me before going to see her lawyer and I was furious for Draco for filling her head with nonsense and trying to keep them away. I wanted them back and I wasn't going to let this happen so I marched angrily over to her flat, only to be dragged away by Aurors and having a restraining order slapped on me. Things were getting worse and were slipping through my fingers quickly.

**Three months after she left**

I received even more Howlers now than when I did when I stood trial for Albus Dumbledore's murder. Friends looked at me with angry disappointment and people who didn't know me hurled abuse and even spat at me when I passed them in the Magical World. Things wouldn't be like this if that tramp hadn't opened her mouth everything that happened wouldn't have been made public and maybe, maybe things between Hermione and I could have been fixed by now. I kept being told how I broke her heart but people seemed to forget that I had a heart too, but mine meant nothing to anyone? No-one cared that I had lost the two most important people in my life, no-one cared about the abuse I received, and no-one cared that my heart was broken too? Every visit with my son hurt as I saw the changes in him. He was growing up so fast and I was missing out on it all. The home we shared no longer smelled like her and honestly it no longer felt like home. How could it when they people who made it a home were no longer there?

**Seven months after she left**

Seven months the number and amount of time that taunted and teased me. How I loathed the words 'seven months'. The only good thing that happened was I finally saw her. It was at a Ministry function and she was on the arm of my nemesis Draco. I had been watching them and noted how their relationship hadn't progressed the way Draco wanted it too. It looked platonic which I was most relieved to see. That meant there was still hope that I could fix my marriage. She looked beautiful, she was always beautiful in my eyes, but I could see how tired she was and the sadness radiated from her despite the brave face she tried to put on for the world. She was ever the Gryffindor. Her body had thinned making her look so delicate, like she could break at any moment.

When I walked up to her she looked at me with those big doe-eyes. That, when up close, were still full of hurt and anger, but also I could still see the love she had for me still. Just seeing that flash of emotion in her eyes filled me with such warmth and longing. That perhaps it wasn't too late. Perhaps there was still hope for us. She held tightly onto Draco's arm, as if at any moment she would fall if she didn't.

"Hermione can we talk please?" I wanted to grab her and pull her into my arms, never letting her go. She was my wife. My life and I wanted her to know.

"Not here. Not now." She whispered, her voice trembling as she avoided eye contact.

Frustration built up inside of me.

"When then Hermione tell me. Talk to me. I am your husband." I pleaded as I noticed Draco stiffen beside her. I would do anything she wanted of me at this point; I just wanted to spend time with her.

"Tomorrow, I will come to the house tomorrow at noon." With that Draco lead her away from me and onto the dance floor. They were deep in discussion and she looked visibly upset. For the rest of the night I watched them and I couldn't stop the jealousy from consuming me. It should have been my arm she was on not his. It should have been me leading her out for a dance. The one positive thought I had was, at least we had tomorrow.

I was up early that morning, feeling like a nervous wreck. I knew it was make or break time with Hermione and I needed to convince her that her place was with here with me.

Finally noon arrived, and right on time, so did Hermione and even better yet she was alone, her bodyguard was missing in action. She knocked on the door to our home as if she were a stranger, like she had never lived here with me. This was unsettling, for I still considered it our home where she obviously did not. It had never stopped being her home. Never.

Sitting perched on the edge of the couch, the same couch we used to cuddle up on reading our books and sipping or wine, or sometimes just talking, I noticed how she avoided looking around, as if she did want to be reminded. As if she didn't want to see the empty spaces where her things used to be. I refused to replace them. I could not replace them because if I did it would mean she would be gone completely.

The silence was awkward and thick with tension, which neither of us wanting to break it first. But since this had all been my fault it was I who finally succumbed.

"Hermione you're looking well." She did look well, despite the dark circles under her eyes.

"There's no need to lie Severus I know how I look." Her voice was brittle as she spoke and like yesterday she refused to make eye contact with me.

I didn't want to argue with her, that was not what today was about. So I ignored it and said,

"Hermione when are you coming home? I miss you. And Samuel. This-" I gestured around the room. "Doesn't feel like a home without you both. Please come home."

With determination she turned her gaze towards me and I was instantly struck down by how cold it was. This was not the woman I had married, for she was passionate and warm, whereas this Hermione was not.

"I'm not coming home Severus. This isn't _my _home. Not anymore."

With sheer frustration I ran my hands through my hair and took a deep breath before turning my attention back to her.

"Why?" The word sounded much sharper than I intended. "You belong here Hermione. We belong together as a family. I know I fucked up badly but please come home." Anger and hurt filled me. I couldn't believe she wasn't even going to at least let me try to make amends. She was just giving up on us. On me.

"I used to think that Severus. That was until I saw you screwing her and now I can't get the image out of my mind and it makes me sick."

Frustrated and broken I jumped up and began to pace. This was not going the way I had hoped and I realized I was losing her fast.

"One mistake Hermione, I made one stupid bloody mistake. Why can't you forgive me? Why can't you try to forgive me?"

I heard her take in a deep breath before she said,

"I was going to forgive you Severus. Believe me I really wanted too. You're all I think about, you were everything that I ever wanted. I can't switch my feelings off just like that."

I sank to my knees in front of her and took hold of her small soft hands. But she quickly pulled them away.

"Then come home Hermione. Please."

With a look of sheer steel, she shook her head and bit her lip.

"I said I was going to. But I'm not. I can't Severus because I can't forget what I saw, I can't forget how you, my beloved husband, the man who I trusted more than anyone, made me feel. I was devastated Severus, you broke my heart, my trust, my life, you broke me. And I can't face that all again. I can't. I won't." She inhaled deeply then continued. "You were enough for me, but I was never enough for you was I? If I was then you wouldn't have gone elsewhere. It's not just her either. I've been reading the Daily Prophet, how can I trust you after all of that? "

Tears trickled down my cheeks as I listened to the heartbreak in her voice, to the words that cut me because it was I who caused it.

"Hermione I do love you. You were more than enough for me, but I could never shake the feeling that I was undeserving of you. That one day you would realise that on your own. Believe me Hermione I only made that one mistake. All that other stuff is rubbish."

She laughed as a single tear fell down her own cheek.

"That's the thing Severus I can't believe you when I have no trust in you. As for me being undeserving, you felt you would prove it to me in the most hurtful way possible. Well done Severus because you done it."

I shook my head defiantly.

"No please don't say that Hermione. I need you. I always have."

Digging in her bag she pulled out two envelopes and looked at me.

"When I married you I never thought it would be like this. I pathetically thought we were getting our happily ever after, after everything we went through. But I was such a romantic fool because Severus Snape never gets a happily ever after does he? You wallow in self-pity and misery; you push everyone away because you feel you don't deserve anything good. So you throw it away, before it can throw you." With a long sigh she whispered, "I can't do this anymore Severus, I am so tired which is why I am serving you with divorce papers. I've signed my name so all you need to do is sign yours so you can be free and do whatever the hell you want. I cannot change the fact you are Samuels father, so if you comply with the divorce I also have another contact for you to sign so that you can have overnight visits with him twice a week. You will find in the contract that you will have to wear a tag when Samuel stays to prevent you from leaving with him. Any questions? No. Good. I'm away then."

I was left stunned and opened mouthed by just how cold and unfeeling she was as she practically ripped out my heart and stomped on it without hesitation. I couldn't believe she had the audacity to just pass this information on then leave, just like that. Like asking for a divorce was as simple as asking someone to pass the salt. I know what I done was wrong, but I felt I deserved a bit more than here you go bye.

"Please Hermione don't do this. You can't do this, please. We can work it out, I know we can. Please I will do anything, anything. Please just don't do this." I begged her.

"Anything?" She asked, to which I simply nodded not daring to hope. "Then sign the papers and stop hurting me. Let me go and let me move on."

I looked at her with suspicion as her words slapped me hard across the face.

"Move on. You mean with Draco." It wasn't a question but a statement.

"Draco? Why would I move on with Draco?"

"Are you fucking him? Is he what this-" I waved the divorce papers in front of her face. "Is all about?"

She laughed at me and stood up, her face flushed with her own anger.

"No Severus it is you who does the fucking about not me. I have been completely faithful, even now and I will happily take veritaserum to prove it."

She pulled her bag over her shoulder and gazed down at me.

"I will give you some time Severus, but I expect you to sign the papers, or I will go through other channels."

Then with those final words she left me, sitting on the floor in a crumpled heap again. I wanted to burn those damned papers, but they were fire proof. Everything was out of my hands there was nothing else to do. There was nothing left for me. Except admit the truth. My marriage was over. Curling up on the floor I cried until finally sleep took me.

**Three years after she left**

It had been in all the Wizzarding magazines and papers, throughout the year. The romance of the century they all called it. The golden couple they were named. Everyone had fallen in love with them and their story. The heartbroken woman who's best friend saved her. The friendship that turned into love and romance.

The worst part was all their pictures. In every single one of them, she looked stunning, he looked like a smug bastard, and worse they looked happy. The most heart breaking picture of them all was a family shot. They had been out at a Muggle Park and didn't realize that horrid Rita Skeeter had been following them. She caught the picture that really warmed the hearts of the Wizzards and Witches of Britain. Draco and Hermione were walking hand in hand through the park. Samuel, my son not Draco bloody Malfoy's, was sitting on Draco's shoulders and the three of them were eating ice-cream cones. Samuel was looking down at Draco laughing after putting a blob of it on Draco's nose. While both Hermione and Draco were laughing, while she had a look of pure bliss on her face. That picture hurt me the most because I knew that should have been me. Not Draco. That was my family not his, but there he was swanning around like he was the luckiest bastard in the world. Which grudgingly he was.

I became obsessed with their relationship, always looking for stories about them, or pictures. Always wanting to see her face and imagining the looks she gave him were for me instead. I had never wanted anything as much as I wanted her. Even dear sweet Lily. I had longed for her and obsessed over her for years. But even she didn't hold a candle to Hermione. My sweet sweet Hermione.

In the end she got her wish. I signed those blasted divorce papers. I let her go like she wanted. But never had I let her go from my heart. Never. I couldn't. She had moved on but I hadn't. No woman filled my life since that dreaded night. My reasoning was if I couldn't have the woman I wanted, then I just wouldn't have any. I guess this realization came too late for me. I should have followed that rule when we were married.

It was too late now, for in the morning she would be marrying him. She was not a Snape anymore; she wouldn't be Granger any longer. She would be a Malfoy now.

After drinking half a bottle of firewhisky I came to a decision. Whether it was the alcohol or my love sick heart, I'm not sure, but all I knew was that I had to see her. Just one last time before she became Mrs Malfoy.

I knew she would be arriving at the Hilton Hotel at 7pm to spend the night with her bridesmaids and mother in law. I got this information easy enough, as I wasn't a spy all those years for nothing.

So at 6.50pm I apparated outside the Hilton, across the street and waited for them to arrive. The limo she was in arrived right on time and when the gaggle of females got out I looked for her. She wasn't hard to find.

My breath hitched when I saw her, she was so beautiful and utterly radiant. She was the most perfect vision I had ever seen. And it broke my heart. My eyes lingered on her a little longer. I had done what I came to do. So just when I went to turn away, the unimaginable happened. Her head lifted up and she locked eyes with me. It was as if somehow she knew.

In that moment, it was as if the world had stopped all around us. In that moment it was just me and her as our eyes burned into each other. From this distance I could have sworn that I saw a flash of regret and something else but I couldn't tell. Just as quickly as our eyes met, she gave me a polite nod then turned her back of me following the other females into the hotel. It was then that I realized she no longer belonged to me. I had lost it all.

**A/N So that is the end of that chapter. What do you think? I have a question for you, if your spouse cheated on you just once. Would you leave? Or would you try again? I'm just curious to see people's opinions on that. One last chapter to go. Eek. **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Ok here is the last chapter and for some reason this one was the hardest. You see while I had started planning it out, an alternative one popped into my head, getting me all confused lol. Do I go with me heart (ending) or my head (ending)? Then I thought I could maybe post my 1****st**** choice up, and then post the 2****nd**** one as the alternative. What do you think? Anyway here is my 1****st**** choice ending dun dun dun lol….As always HP is not mine, I do not own it, it belongs to J.K Rowling.**

**Chapter Five**

**HGPOV- My heart ending**

Never did I think I would be standing here, with the man I loved standing in my dusty pink wedding dress. As a divorcee I felt white wouldn't be a fitting colour to wear so instead I went for an alternative.

So here on my wedding day, I stood looking at the man I loved in all of my beautiful wedding glory. Waiting for him to speak instead of just staring at me.

It took a while but finally he said,

"Hermione what are you doing?" His voice was barely a whisper but I could see his body tremble.

"I couldn't do it Severus, I couldn't marry him." The tears poured down my cheeks as I looked at him, knowing he must think me a mess. It was pouring down with rain, my dress was soaked and dirty, my beautiful styled hair was in such disarray hanging wet and limp around my face. I knew my mascara was probably running down my cheeks. But I didn't care. How could I care about the way I looked after making such a big mess of everything?

I had been all ready to marry Draco but I couldn't get Severus out of my head, not after he showed up last night. In that one look I knew I loved him, I knew marrying Draco was such a big mistake, and I knew I couldn't let Severus go.

God I was so selfish and I hated myself for hurting Draco. I had begun to walk down the aisle and it was when I locked eyes with him that I knew I couldn't do it. That it didn't feel right. So I stopped right in the middle of the aisle and looked at him.

"I'm so sorry Draco I can't marry you." I asked Ginny to watch Samuel then I ran out. Draco shouted after me but to no avail. I didn't stop running. And he didn't stop me from running either.

I had never meant things to go this far. You see I loved Draco, I always had but I was never in love with him. Not like the way I loved Severus. Draco was my best friend and rock and although I had been completely caught up in our romance I could never love him in the way that he wanted me too. I think deep down he knew that but just didn't want to admit it.

So here I was, standing outside of the place that had been my home, looking at the man who I loved. Pleading to Merlin that he still felt the same way about me. I knew running out on my wedding and declaring my love to my ex-husband was a huge risk, but it was one I was willing to take.

"I don't understand you love Draco. Why would you not marry him?"

I shivered and hugged myself as the rain pelted down on me.

"I never loved Draco, not like that. Not like the way I love you. The way I still love you. Severus I made such a mess of things, I should have tried harder, I should have gave us another chance. But I felt so hurt and my pride wouldn't let me forgive you." I cried harder. "I was selfish and cold and-" Sobbing harder my body shook. "I hurt you, I hurt Samuel and I hurt Draco. I made a mess of everything. I'm so sorry Severus. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me."

He simply stared at me as he processed my words. Before finally focusing his black obsidian eyes on me. Oh how I loved those eyes.

"Say it again Hermione." He said taking one step closer to me. Noticing my confusion he whispered. "Say you love me again. Say you never stopped. Say you're still mine."

I wasn't sure why Severus was asking that but I happily complied.

"I love you Severus, it was always you. I never stopped being yours. I'm sorry I-" Then before I could finish what I was saying, he descended on me his lips devouring mine in a kiss full of so much love. The kiss was hard at first as if he couldn't get enough of me. Then it turned softer and gentler as he moved on to kiss my nose, my eyes, my cheeks, my neck everything he could touch. And it was such a magical feeling and all at once I felt like I was home. When I sobbed and trembled in his arms he kissed away my tears, and picked me up bridal style (how ironic) and carried me into the house.

Severus was so sweet that night as we spoke about everything that went wrong in our relationship. All the hurt and mistakes we inflicted on each other. He told me he still loved me and that since I had gone there had been no-one else for him. He never stopped touching and kissing me, as if at any moment I would disappear. At other times he held me so tight I couldn't move. When I questioned him about that his answer was that he never wanted to let me go again. We cried in each other's arms that night, neither one believing that we were here again, right back at the beginning.

After a period of comfortable silence I looked up at him, while leaning my head against his chest.

"Severus." I whispered.

"Hmm." He said, while his nose was buried in my now dry hair.

"You do know that I will be named the scarlet woman now, that together we will be the pariahs of the Wizzarding World."

He chuckled slightly and kissed the top of my head.

"So we will. But what can we do about it." His tone was light as he spoke.

I sat up and looked at him seriously.

"Let's just go. You, me and Samuel."

"What?" He simply said.

"You heard me. Let's just pack up everything and leave Britain. We have enough money, or I do, we can sell the house and move somewhere where no-one knows us. We can start again. Just the three of us." I had never meant anything more at that moment.

He looked at me trying to see if I was telling the truth before he whispered,

"You're serious."

Nodding my head he wrapped his arms around me and smiled against my head.

"That Mrs Snape sounds like a brilliant idea."

**20 Years Later**

Today is an important day as my beautiful son Samuel finally makes an honest woman of Sarah Hamilton. I am so terribly proud and of course I am a complete wreck, as I let my baby boy go to some other woman.

"Pull yourself together woman." Severus mocks, as he holds out a crisp white handkerchief to me.

I blow my nose so unladylike, as my husband sniggers from beside me.

"It's all right for you to laugh and mock, but I need to give my boy up and share him with another woman." Samuel had always been a mummy's boy growing up, and now the realization that he wouldn't need me anymore hit home.

"Really Hermione do you mean to sound like Molly Weasley." Severus again mocked. I elbowed him playfully in the ribs for that remark. "Offt. Damn it woman what was that for?" He tried to give me his best Snape-sneer but it didn't fool me.

"That dear husband is because you laugh and mock me. It won't be that when Melissa gets married." His body tensed and stiffened as I spoke of his beloved daughter, who was indeed a daddy's girl. I giggled at him. "See not so nice now."

Turning he looked at our beautiful 15 year old daughter. She had my curly brown hair, although her hair was a lot tamer than mine, and her father's black eyes. She had Severus's height and my slim figure. And lastly she had his pale skin but my button nose. She was incredibly beautiful, not that I was at all biased.

"She will never marry, I forbid it." He grouched causing me to laugh. Standing up on tiptoes I kissed him on the lips, smiling as I did.

"I do love you Severus, you old fool." I whispered against his ear.

He smiled looking down at me.

"I love you too and less of the old." He teased, kissing my forehead lovingly. Hand in hand we stood watching as our first born son married. There were so many emotions for us but the biggest one being happiness.

After I had ran out on my wedding Severus and I spoke in depth about our plans for the future. We did decide to move in the end and went over to Canada, to a place where no-one knew the names Severus Snape or Hermione Granger.

Draco didn't speak to me after that day, who could blame him really after what I done. Friends who had been supporters of me disagreed with what I done and my decision, saying that going back to Severus was a mistake. That once a cheat always a cheat. That I was just going to end up hurt again and when I did I would have no-one to run too. Like before I didn't listen to them. I loved Severus and this time I was prepared to make a go of it.

After we moved away from all the hatred and bitterness, God how the Daily Prophet ran both our names through the mud, we were able to start living our lives again.

I won't say things were easy for us because they weren't. After everything we had been through together they couldn't possibly be easy. We argued, we fought, we each had trust issues, but we got through it all. In fact all of these things brought us closer together until finally we were able to grow as a couple, whereas before we hadn't. Before we wanted different things, we had different needs and expectations of each other. We never spoke of those things as adults and didn't listen to each other. But this time we tried, we put much more effort into our relationship. We spoke openly and never hid our thoughts or feelings. Like I said before it wasn't easy but we never gave up.

Even though I loved him, I didn't agree to marry him again, at least not straight away. One failed marriage and one runaway bride routine was enough for me. The commitment of wearing his ring didn't matter as much anymore. Not that it stopped Severus from asking of course. It wasn't until I found out I was pregnant with our second child Melissa, that I agreed to marry him, eventually anyway.

When I first found out I was with child, I won't lie I was terrified. All my past insecurities came flooding back, and no amount of reassurance from Severus helped. I got so bad I pushed him away but he was constant for me. It was during this time that I realized I was letting the past dictate our future, and that Severus was trying so hard this time. I actually think I may have fallen in love with him all over again.

When Melissa arrived into the world things were so much different than with Samuel. Severus was very hands on, plus we were together, loving and supporting each other. Our sex life became better than ever and gradually the trust was repaired between us. Two years after Melissa was born Dexter was born, completing our little family.

I can't say that I have no regrets in my life because that wouldn't be true, I have plenty enough to fill another lifetime. But do I class taking Severus back a regret. The answer to that is no never.

As I stand side by side with my husband and two children watching my first born marry, how could I possibly regret this?

Looking up at the man I love I smile contentedly and squeeze his hand. Looking down at me he searches my face, wondering what's wrong but I smile up at him.

"I do love you Severus." I say on a breathy sigh.

He smiles, leaning down to kiss my forehead, while his arm goes around me drawing me closer to him.

"And I love you too Mrs Snape."

It was while we stood in our own little world that I realized after all the ups and downs, after all the hurt and pain, after all the tears and laughter. We finally had it all.

**A/N Ok some of you might absolutely hate this lol, but I love SS and HG. I took your comments into consideration which is why I'm posting the alternative ending. So you can pick your favourite one lol. Thank you for sticking by my story and thanks for all your input. If you liked this story have a look at my other short story 'After all this time.' Thank you so much xx**


	6. Alternative Ending

**A/N Ok here is the alternative ending to I had it all. Please feel free to review and let me know which one is your favourite. I would love some feedback. I hope you have liked this story and feel free to read my short story 'After all this time.' As always HP is not mine, I do not own it, it belongs to J.K Rowling.**

**Chapter Five**

**HGPOV- HEAD**

Never did I dream I would fall in love again. After being so broken by it the first time I wanted nothing more to do with the concept Albus bloody Dumbledore used so much. It hadn't been this amazing wonderful thing that was so magical and breath-taking. It had been painful and hard, and left nothing but destruction in its path. So after my divorce I made a vow that I would never let myself fall in love again, that I would never put myself in such a vulnerable position. That I would never be weak with my feelings and emotions like that, except to my son but he was different.

But then Draco happened. We had been friends for years and I considered him my rock even before my split with Severus. But after having my heart broken he was the one who had been there for me, supporting me, taking care of me, loving me. He never pushed or expected anything. He was friendly and gentle and kind. But at the same time he didn't he treat me like something that was so fragile I would break. When I needed it he would be tough and realistic.

Piece by piece he put my heart together again, soothing the cracks over with gentle caresses. He was my glue.

And despite my vow, despite the screaming in my head and heart not to, I slowly, very slowly fell in love. I was nervous and terrified because Draco had only ever been my friend. I didn't believe for a second he would love me in return. And with that belief I knew I was setting myself up for more heartbreak, but I couldn't seem to stop.

It was one night when Samuel was staying at Severus's house, I sat curled up on the sofa, after a couple of glasses of my favourite red wine and balled my eyes out. I couldn't believe I had been so stupid, to let my heart feel that way again. Then when I didn't think things could get worse, Draco appeared through the floo. One look at me and my once again deranged appearance and he was straight over holding me tightly against him. I buried my head into his jacket, inhaling his scent and feeling comforted by his warmth. In his arms I felt safe.

"Mia what's the matter." He asked in his gentle tone.

I shook my head not wanting to speak, just wanting to savour being in his arms that little bit longer, before I told him how I felt and before he pushed me away with disgust.

"Mia you know you can tell me anything." He kissed the top of my head and smoothed down my frizzy hair. "Talk to me please."

Pulling away I looked at him briefly before walking to get my wine. Drinking the last of it in one large gulp I squeezed my eyes closed.

"I can't do it Drake." I whispered my voice close to breaking.

"Do what?" The confusion was evident in his voice.

"Do this." I gestured around the room before finally pointing to him.

"Mia love I have no idea what you mean."

I sighed giving myself a moment before I next spoke.

"I can't do us Drake. It's too hard. I-I want more." I avoided eye contact at all cost as my cheeks blushed furiously.

"Mia what do you mean?" His body was stiff but his voice was soft as he spoke.

I hung my head in defeat, not wanting to see the look when I told him.

"I-I've developed feelings for you Drake. I don't know how or when, but I think I've fallen in love with you. I'm so sorry I know-" The next thing I knew Draco had swept me up into his arms and kissed me with so much passion and with so much heat that I was actually left breathless and stunned. I had no idea what was happening but I knew I didn't want it to stop.

Hesitantly he pulled away from me, resting his forehead against mine and smiled, his hands cupping both of my cheeks as he stared straight into my eyes. I could see every thought and every emotion play out in them.

"Mia you have no idea how happy hearing you say that makes me. I love you; I always have done since our last year at school together. Why do you think I never had a relationship with anyone else? Because I wanted you. Only you."

My eyes widened with shock and surprise at his declaration. I had never seen his feelings for me before I was so blind. I could feel my heart beat rapidly in my chest and I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Draco felt the same. Draco loved me. Draco had always loved me.

"You do?" I asked feebly causing him to laugh before kissing me again.

"Of course I do Mia, can't you see it."

And that was how our relationship started. That night had been wonderful we simply sat cuddled up talking, every now and again one of us stole a kiss. And for the first time in a long time I laughed and felt happy. He was gentle with me again, not wanting to rush things, letting me go at my own pace. He was simply wonderful.

And now here I am sitting looking into the mirror on my wedding day. My hair was done; my makeup was done, as I sat in my dusty pink gown. I felt white would be in an appropriate colour considering I was also a divorcee.

My nerves were all over the place, especially after seeing Severus the night before my wedding. Seeing him standing there, looking at my with those obsidian eyes I loved, brought so many emotions to the surface. My biggest being regret. Regret that we hadn't worked, regret that perhaps I too had been at fault in our marriage ending, and regret that I was happy and marrying another. I still loved Severus, of course I did he was my first love, the man who had been my first in more ways than one. He was also the father of my child. I would always love him. Perhaps now I could forgive him after all this time.

I didn't have anyone walking me down the aisle, instead I held onto the hand of the most important person in the world, my son. When my eyes locked on to Draco's I knew it was right. I knew everything would be right this time. The feeling he brought out in me was the feeling of being home.

**20 Years Later**

Today is an important day as my beautiful son Samuel finally makes an honest woman of Sarah Hamilton. I am so terribly proud and of course I am a complete wreck, as I let my baby boy go to some other woman.

"Pull yourself together woman." Severus mocks, as he holds out a crisp white handkerchief to me.

I blow my nose so unladylike, as my husband sniggers from beside me.

"It's all right for you pair to laugh and mock, but I need to share my boy with another woman." Samuel had always been a mummy's boy, and now the realization that he wouldn't need me anymore hit home.

"Really Hermione do you mean to sound like Molly Weasley." Severus again mocked. I elbowed him playfully in the ribs for that remark. "Offt. Damn it Draco control that wife of yours before she does an old man an injury."

Draco laughed and shook his head.

"Sorry Sev but you just compared her to Molly Weasley."

"Thank you sweetheart." Sanding up on tiptoes, I brushed a chaste kiss to his lips.

"Eugh honestly you two get a room." Severus pretended to look uncomfortable around us but truthfully he was so used to it now.

"We have one, in fact we have several." Draco said with a seductive wiggle of his eyebrows.

Now it was his turn to get elbowed in the side and Severus to laugh.

"See it's not so funny now."

Some people may think it's strange being so close to an ex but for us, now, it wasn't. After Draco and I got married, we soon found out we were going to be parents, to twins, Alice and Michael. I of course had been terrified out my mind after what happened the last time I had a child. But Draco had been wonderful, and incredibly supportive with all of my anxieties. And for Samuels's sake we both felt like it would be better to make a bigger effort with Severus.

I won't say it was easy for either of us, for that would be a lie. It took me a long time to get over the hurt and humiliation and to finally forgive him. And it took Severus a long time to come to terms with me being married and mother to someone else children.

It was a lot of hard work, there were arguments and tears and shouting matches of 'you did this' and 'you did that'. But over the years things did get easier. They got better not just between Severus and me but also between Severus and Draco.

A tentative friendship formed between us as well as a truce. I wouldn't say we were best friends or anything like that, but he did mean a lot to me.

As far as I'm aware Severus never got into another serious relationship. He dated but it was never anything more. I came to believe that he was like one of those wild horses who could never be tamed. He needed to roam free. And I think that's what our problem had been. I know he wanted the normal life after everything he had been through but because he had never seen a normal life or felt deserving off it he didn't know what to do with it.

Severus has always been a very complicated man and I think I just expected too much from him, perhaps he expected too much from me as well.

We did eventually discuss what went wrong in our marriage and I realized that it wasn't just him being unfaithful that was the problem it was us as a couple. We wanted different things from each other, and had different needs from each other. We were never on the same page. We did love each other, that was true but in our case love just wasn't enough.

He needed freedom and although he wanted a child and a family he didn't want his freedom taken. I wanted commitment but at that time I didn't want a child. I wanted a career. And I think our different needs oppressed the other. So when his needs weren't met he looked elsewhere, and having a child at the time had suffocated me. This, on both sides, turned into a resent of such. I took away his freedom by wanting commitment. While he suffocated me by insisting on having a child. Therefore we were destined for disaster.

Now standing between my husband and ex-husband I truly feel happy and at piece. They both mean so much to me and I am grateful to them for what they have both given me.

I link both my arms through there's as the wedding march starts and I watch my boy marry, thankful that I have two wonderful people for me to lean on. With these two strong men by my side, and my twins close by I stood watching as my first born married the woman he loved. And I realized that we really did have it all.


End file.
